i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I look excited, but its just a facade.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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