So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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