Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
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I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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