this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
