Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize