I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
