I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
40s are totally the cure
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
