We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
