Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I've blown a few things in my day
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
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I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
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I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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