Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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