new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
