Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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