there's paper in my vomit.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
