There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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