I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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