She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
