Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
