funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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