At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
