you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
