everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
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I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
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Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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