you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize