So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
