when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
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is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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