I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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