Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so let's talk penis.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
