We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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