I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
