moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
