Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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