You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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