My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize