Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I could make wine with my vomit
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
