I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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