Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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