It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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