careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
