I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
