Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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