Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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