we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
