Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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