So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
