I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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