What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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