I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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