So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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