Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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