when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
