You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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