It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
