they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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