JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
