Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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