I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
