How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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