Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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