I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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