I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
