She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
