Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
