how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
