Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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