he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
