I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
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I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
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He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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