Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
There's always time for handjobs
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
