i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
