Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
